Thanks for joining me on my two-week series where I share some of the lessons I’ve learned from having Hashimoto’s.
As you read yesterday, my motto is this:
Hashimoto’s is not my master but it is my teacher.
My desire is to learn these life lessons of what it is to truly love myself (and therefore, others) through this ‘opportunity’ of Hashimoto’s, and share the short cuts with you along the way.
Fly in De-Face
I wasn’t sure which of the many lessons I was going to write about today until the fly, who’s been taking up residence in our home since yesterday, started buzzing around me again today.
He’s different than the other flies. I’m serious. I know that’s weird. This one goes onto things that don’t even make — like on my chamomile tea. Just weird. It picks things not worth it to waste his time on. I affectionately have dubbed him “The Whore Fly” – he has no sense of discrimination….
Anywhooo, that’s what made me think of my next lesson:
Lesson #2: Don’t Waste Your Energy On Trying to Convince People Who Don’t Believe You
Now, how this relates to the fly?
Hang in there with me. You’ll see.
So, when I got sick with wonky symptoms in 1995 like chronic sinus infections, weight gain, high cholesterol, extreme fatigue, heart arrhythmias, depression, anxiety and too many more to list, it was like all the Siskel and Eberts came out in my family. (Please tell me you know who Siskel and Ebert are…)
Family members were trying to figure out if I was just lazy, or selfish — or both, and had no shame about putting me down, telling me to “hurry up and walk faster” or to just ‘get over’ myself.
Yeah.
That was from the people who ‘loved’ me.
They were mean. They were disbelieving and they were harsh. Not all of them, just most of them.
During a time when I could have used a drive to the doctors and someone to take notes while I had brain fog, or a healthy meal prepared or someone to sit with me and help me sort out information and remedies, they sat back, crossed their arms and raised their eyebrows.
I went from being a high-performing, A-type personality, breadwinner of my family to someone who was falling apart.
And instead of one of the many family members who could have come and helped me, they stood back and judged.
It didn’t make my healing journey go faster, but it did teach me good things:
Lessons I Learned from Fair-Weathered Family Members
1. To be my own best advocate and not wait for anyone else. Even if they’re family and say that they love me, I can’t expect anyone to love me as much as I do.
2. To let go of old promises that many of them made to “always be there for me whenever I needed them” and to live in the new reality of how they were acting. Because living in the past promises was only causing me more suffering in the present because I was living in the chasm of expectation between what they said and what they were actually doing.
3. To let go of my right to be wronged. I felt like a victim and at a certain point I had to let go of what they did that was hurtful so that I could do what was helpful.
4. To find ‘family’ and strength in unexpected places. What they didn’t do for me, was met by either wonderful friends, angelic strangers, or Divine guidance. I learned to take my eyes off of them and was willing to see the Universe provide the love, compassion and wisdom I needed.
5. To see where they were a mirror reflecting me. I shifted and began wondering, “Where do I reject myself when I need me the most? Where do I stand back and judge myself when I really need an accepting embrace?” It was an AMAZING journey for me that made a difference in my life.
6. To represent myself, and not defend myself. I couldn’t argue them out of their judgment any more than I could argue a blind man to sight. It just wasn’t going to happen. So, instead of defensively arguing about how sick I was, I just stated what I needed. They could either help or step aside. I wasn’t placing my power into their hands anymore and getting myself all up in arms when they didn’t get me. When they criticized me for not eating a certain food at a family function, I didn’t get all sideways about “I have this disease and you don’t understand” bullshit. I simply said, “That food doesn’t work for me but I’m sure it’s delicious like all the other food you make.” The steam being out of me took the wind out of their sails. It was much more peaceful for me.
7. To forgive.
And forgive.
And forgive….
There are more but that’s enough to chew on. So, what does that have to do with The Whore Fly?
Some people are just going to pick a fight, it’s just their pattern and habit, just like the fly buzzing around isn’t trying to make me crazy — it’s just doing its thing. They don’t just do it with me — they do that kind of thing with other people in their lives.
Me? My job?
Is to keep my focus, not on the fly, but on the task at hand.
In this case: My health, happiness and peace.
So, don’t worry about the people in your life who don’t get what you’re going through — you just be your own best advocate and your own best family to yourself.
Once you love yourself with that kind of love,
you’re not going to need it anywhere else
and you’re going to find it everywhere else.
See you tomorrow for Lesson #3….
Sending you healing and love!
xo,
Stacey
To buy my book, “You’re Not Crazy and You’re Not Alone” click here.
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