I was talking to a friend today about when people we love, or we ourselves, go through times of depression and sadness… whether it’s from an event like an injury or job loss… or if it’s from a shift in hormones, health, or age or even just the state of how the world feels around you
We can get into a funk.
I shared this with her…
So much of the stress in life is rightly dividing what we have control over, and what we don’t.
When we’re not sure what we have the power to change, we feel loose and untethered.
We will tend to try to overcontrol people and undercontrol our choices — wanting to make everyone outside of us cater to us so that we can feel safer and loved — instead of doing the work we need to do to order our world, take our responsibility, and heal our wounds.
Or vice-a-versa. We overcontrol our choices and under-establish boundaries in relationships.
Ever meet the mom who cleans the house like a crazy lady or works ‘til all hours of the night because she doesn’t know how to put parameters on her teen?
She’s just trying to find some semblance of control in easy places with a clear beginning and end, instead of dealing with uncomfortable, endless feelings from the messy parts of relationships.
This all causes stress.
And that’s when we don’t know what to do.
When we DO know what we could change but don’t take action, we feel depressed and powerless.
We COULD change our eating or drinking habits or where we spend our time, money, or energy… but we don’t. And we know it.
That makes us feel unsafe. Because we don’t trust ourselves.
We know better but we are not doing better.
It’s hard to live divided inside of ourselves and that division causes stress.
But then, my friend and I talked about suffering…
According to the amazing Byron Katie, “Suffering is when we believe our thoughts and when we pull our past and future into the present moment.”
How many negative, naggy, bitchy, condemning, judge-y ideas do you have passing through your mind each day?
I’ve had a lot.
I’ve ridden the rides and gotten the t-shirts and the key to the City of Negative Thinking.
Stress and suffering…
How’s that working for you?
Your questions today:
Where do you have the power to make a difference in your life?
What do you need to do, in order to make that difference.
Without hesitation… because the brain only keeps conviction up front and center for so long and then we fall back into malaise and procrastinate.
What are the thoughts that are knocking you down off of your sense of greatness, and beating you to a pulp?
Those thoughts, what to do with them?
Byron Katie says, “I don’t have to let go of negative thoughts, I greet them with understanding and they let go of me.”
It’s a great concept — instead of resisting or arguing or believing those thoughts… to just notice them and greet them, compassionately.
When I read that quote more than 15 years ago, I started to say to me, “Well, of course you are thinking that. You were trying to find your way in a really messy situation and this thought gave you some handlebars. It worked. It doesn’t work anymore thought. Plus, you were taught these thoughts from the generations above you. You’re such a good student, Stacey. If you had been taught better thoughts, you would have grabbed on to those. Now is your time… to let go of what doesn’t work and to lean into something that does.”
It really, really helped.
Choose something you can do that is within your good control.
Notice your suffering thoughts
And shift them to something that inspires you.
Your life is one big, “Yes” waiting to happen
The stress and suffering is getting in the way.
Let’s shift this and feel our power again.
I’m excited for you to say, “Yes” to you.
Stacey Robbins CHC, RYT200 is a coach and award-winning author who leads retreats and workshops across the world. Her work is to remind you of the power that lives in you so that you can live with the freedom, joy, and peace that is available to you.