This week, today actually, I begin the first day of my 7-week course, The Girlfriends’ Guide to Hashimoto’s Course: Lose Weight, Gain Energy, Feel Like You Again
As we address the 7 modules over the next 49 days, I really wanted to start it all off with our Beliefs.
Because what we believe about ourselves impacts every action we take and every relationship in our lives.
Many of us deal with some kind of strange idea about ourselves… we do… you can admit it.
Okay, I’ll go first…
Growing up, I had some significantly h-a-r-d experiences that led me to believe that I was unworthy.
Unworthy of love.
Of good things.
Of dreams coming true.
The funny thing was that I didn’t live in that belief all the time. There were definitely areas where I felt incredibly confident, natural and good with being me.
I had no negative judgment about myself in certain areas.
And yet, in others, I’d find myself judging the situation (or another person) and judging my worth according to it.
“Am I deserving of that opportunity?”
“Do I need that job or label in order to feel valid?”
“Will being in a relationship with that person add value to me?”
So, I toggled somewhere between feeling incredibly comfortable and confident, and incredibly insecure.
It was awful. Because I didn’t have consistency with myself.
And consistency builds trust.
I didn’t feel that stable feeling of trusting me many times growing up.
When you feel unworthy on the inside, you tend to look for people to affirm you or value you on the outside.
It’s an exhausting process that leads you to performing for others so that they will affirm you. It’s like being a clapping, jiggling sea lion at a water show. You do what the people want and someone throws a fish in your mouth.
Only here’s the rub, I knew that I was here to stir pots, and make waves and bring transformation. That was going to come through speaking prophetic, bold, daring, and sometimes very uncomfortable truths.
So, like I lived between confidence and insecurity, I also lived between being myself and my brave calling and then, toggling to trying to make sure you felt okay with me.
It was exhausting, too.
I’d lie in bed at night and wonder how I was going to connect these two worlds I seemed to live in between and be one person who wasn’t in conflict and was in peace.
Hashimoto’s was an important catalyst in my life to help me see the tension and conflict that lived within me.
In my physical exhaustion, I sat down. When I did that, stuff came up and I got to examine what made me emotionally exhausted, as well as what religious beliefs made me spiritually exhausted too.
As you can imagine, I was a real “life of the party.”
It was a deep work.
Which is still going on because, you know…
Gabor Mate says, “Trauma is not what happens to you; trauma is what happens inside of you as a result of what happens to you.”
That jangle us and set us sideways so that we walk with an emotional limp about ourselves… and think that the whole world is crooked because of the angle we’re seeing things at.
I’ve done so much work on this and around this.
I am still doing work.
Because, like you learn a foreign language from repetition, you learn the foreign language of unworthiness from repetition.
It’s not your nature. Your nature is to love, accept, and honor you and to know that you are completely delicious and intrinsically valuable.
You… and I… we just fell into some crappy thinking to try to make sense out of hard times. It was easier to blame ourselves for what was bad in life than it was to feel like life was some vulnerable jungle to live in.
We trusted in an idea about ourselves instead of trusting in ourselves.
Because it made us feel safe.
So we made wrong “right”… and unworthiness started to feel like our nature until we got a good look at what it was costing us.
But it is not a disease with no cure… it’s a dis-ease that’s calling you to heal.
Just like how I see Hashimoto’s.
Hashimoto’s helped me to slow down long enough, and be uncomfortable deeply enough to ask questions of “Why do these thoughts exist?” and “What can I do about them?”
It’s a gift.
A strangely painful and achingly beautiful
A gift to see the thing that’s tripping you up.
And to go on the journey of loving yourself in a way that displaces and replaces those unnatural beliefs so that you can get back to the truest part of you and live the best life you’re here to live.
Without you stopping you anymore.
So, today as my GG2H course group works on beliefs, I want to extend that conversation to you:
What do you believe about yourself?
And is it something beautiful?
Do you trust in you, or are you putting your trust in a false idea about you?
If today, you sat long enough to read through this, then, maybe today is your opportunity to sit a little longer to see if it’s time to shift.
From an old idea about you,
To the best idea about you.
To tell yourself something true about you
And repeat that over, and over, and over again
Instead of the lies.
And re-learn the wonder of you.
Today is a really beautiful day
To stop repeating the worst ideas
So that you can feel an illusion of ‘safe’
Today is a really beautiful day
to start seeing and believing
To find out more about the next GG2H Online Course, click here:
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